Thursday, October 27, 2005
October 24, 2005
Hurricanes and Book Tours …Not a Good Idea
Nothing like a hurricane to derail a book tour and to make you painfully aware that our country is totally unprepared for pandemic flu (that, and it’s a good idea to check to see if your flashlight works BEFORE the electricity goes out).
Three years ago, when 9/11 happened, I was an editor at a small publishing company. As the nation tried to cope with the shock, hopeful authors came to realize that PR for their book had come to a grinding halt (unless they had written a book on terrorism). While you couldn’t blame the authors who put their heart, soul and a lot of hard work into their books, I still felt a tad uneasy as some of them took very liberal creative license in spinning their title to fit the tragedy: “Do you think my book, 50 Positions for Better Sex, works? You know, people need to relieve stress through intercourse at a time like this...” (hm, may be a bit of a stretch…) “How about my book on multi-level marketing; if someone lost their job at the Twin Towers this is a way to build their income.” (Dude, that’s just plain tacky…)
Yet here I am, in the middle of a media tour, when Hurricane Wilma hit south Florida, leaving millions of people without power for more than two weeks (including me) and with no form of communication--except the middle finger, which I became fluent in, and fast.
While I obviously worried about my family’s safety as that big red blob came hurling toward us, I couldn’t help thinking, What will this mean for my book tour? Oh, NO! I had left the promised land of Relative Normalcy and have become (GASP!) a “Neurotic Author.”
Monday: Wilma makes landfall.
The Female Species Hurricane Readiness Supplies: water, non-perishable foods rich in antioxidants, ice, pet food, first aid supplies, candles (we love any excuse to buy candles), matches, enough prescription medicines for a week.
The Male Species Hurricane Readiness Supplies: Case of beer, duct tape, beef jerky (men love any excuse to buy all three).
6 a.m.: Power outage
3 p.m.: After a full day of watching our property, fencing and every tree and bush be destroyed (too bad it didn’t hit the right “Bush” in northern Florida…), we’re thankful no one was hurt.
Day 2 Without electricity, phone or cell phone. Family enjoying the novelty of no power. Played board games with the kids, singing alcohol-induced choruses of “Kumba ya” with neighbors we hadn’t met in 7 years (amazing how close you get when your fence implodes), husband and I actually had sex instead of watching Desperate Housewives do it on TV.
(Long) Days 3-5 Without electricity, phone or cell phone. Board games become “bored” games. Foreplay is now: “Get off of me, you stink.” (Florida + 2 days spent clearing downed trees + no AC = major stink). Radio reports people looting; three-hour gas lines from north Miami to Palm Beach.
Day 6. Without electricity, phone or cell phone. 6:30 am Reveille. I hear a strange sound…. A rrrr….iiiii…..nnnnn….ggggg….. It’s the PHONE. Our phone is working! We are back online after 5 days with no phone service! Yes-s-s!
Me: “H—h-h-hello?” Since my husband and I stopped talking on Day 4, speaking to an adult f eels foreign. . . . I felt like Grizzly Adams--no shower, no stimulation, hair sprouting from my legs and probably my chin...
Caller: “Good morning, Allison, this is Bill I’mTalkingtooLoudly at WKSB Radio (My brain attempting to process]: talking too fast…too much information.s.ajldajkdjlsdj sldfjdlkj…Must try to make sense. Oh Lord no….I have a live radio interview!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
Host: So, Allison, do you think our world has gotten germier?”
Me: “Um, we…h-h-have….n-n-oooo…power….”
Host: “Yes, you’re so right…It’s the year 2005 and we’re still powerless to outwit those pesky germs…So, what’s your answer to those nay-sayers who claim you’re too clean?”
Me: “I haven’t showered in a week…”
And, for the first time in the history of my “illustrious” radio career, I had yet to deliver such an honest sound byte. Let’s just say it’s a good thing they didn’t have videoconferencing capabilities.
If I had power to check Amazon—as I do at least 350 times a day—I would have seen that no one bought my book based on that interview; and in fact, some people actually returned it.
But, the time is NOW to assemble your OWN emergency survival kit…and yes, it has to have more than beer in it. If disaster struck (hurricane, blizzard, in-laws in town) and you couldn’t leave your house, do you have the supplies you need? Here are some to get you started: www.ready.gov/america/getakit/index.html.
Hurricanes and Book Tours …Not a Good Idea
Nothing like a hurricane to derail a book tour and to make you painfully aware that our country is totally unprepared for pandemic flu (that, and it’s a good idea to check to see if your flashlight works BEFORE the electricity goes out).
Three years ago, when 9/11 happened, I was an editor at a small publishing company. As the nation tried to cope with the shock, hopeful authors came to realize that PR for their book had come to a grinding halt (unless they had written a book on terrorism). While you couldn’t blame the authors who put their heart, soul and a lot of hard work into their books, I still felt a tad uneasy as some of them took very liberal creative license in spinning their title to fit the tragedy: “Do you think my book, 50 Positions for Better Sex, works? You know, people need to relieve stress through intercourse at a time like this...” (hm, may be a bit of a stretch…) “How about my book on multi-level marketing; if someone lost their job at the Twin Towers this is a way to build their income.” (Dude, that’s just plain tacky…)
Yet here I am, in the middle of a media tour, when Hurricane Wilma hit south Florida, leaving millions of people without power for more than two weeks (including me) and with no form of communication--except the middle finger, which I became fluent in, and fast.
While I obviously worried about my family’s safety as that big red blob came hurling toward us, I couldn’t help thinking, What will this mean for my book tour? Oh, NO! I had left the promised land of Relative Normalcy and have become (GASP!) a “Neurotic Author.”
Monday: Wilma makes landfall.
The Female Species Hurricane Readiness Supplies: water, non-perishable foods rich in antioxidants, ice, pet food, first aid supplies, candles (we love any excuse to buy candles), matches, enough prescription medicines for a week.
The Male Species Hurricane Readiness Supplies: Case of beer, duct tape, beef jerky (men love any excuse to buy all three).
6 a.m.: Power outage
3 p.m.: After a full day of watching our property, fencing and every tree and bush be destroyed (too bad it didn’t hit the right “Bush” in northern Florida…), we’re thankful no one was hurt.
Day 2 Without electricity, phone or cell phone. Family enjoying the novelty of no power. Played board games with the kids, singing alcohol-induced choruses of “Kumba ya” with neighbors we hadn’t met in 7 years (amazing how close you get when your fence implodes), husband and I actually had sex instead of watching Desperate Housewives do it on TV.
(Long) Days 3-5 Without electricity, phone or cell phone. Board games become “bored” games. Foreplay is now: “Get off of me, you stink.” (Florida + 2 days spent clearing downed trees + no AC = major stink). Radio reports people looting; three-hour gas lines from north Miami to Palm Beach.
Day 6. Without electricity, phone or cell phone. 6:30 am Reveille. I hear a strange sound…. A rrrr….iiiii…..nnnnn….ggggg….. It’s the PHONE. Our phone is working! We are back online after 5 days with no phone service! Yes-s-s!
Me: “H—h-h-hello?” Since my husband and I stopped talking on Day 4, speaking to an adult f eels foreign. . . . I felt like Grizzly Adams--no shower, no stimulation, hair sprouting from my legs and probably my chin...
Caller: “Good morning, Allison, this is Bill I’mTalkingtooLoudly at WKSB Radio (My brain attempting to process]: talking too fast…too much information.s.ajldajkdjlsdj sldfjdlkj…Must try to make sense. Oh Lord no….I have a live radio interview!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
Host: So, Allison, do you think our world has gotten germier?”
Me: “Um, we…h-h-have….n-n-oooo…power….”
Host: “Yes, you’re so right…It’s the year 2005 and we’re still powerless to outwit those pesky germs…So, what’s your answer to those nay-sayers who claim you’re too clean?”
Me: “I haven’t showered in a week…”
And, for the first time in the history of my “illustrious” radio career, I had yet to deliver such an honest sound byte. Let’s just say it’s a good thing they didn’t have videoconferencing capabilities.
If I had power to check Amazon—as I do at least 350 times a day—I would have seen that no one bought my book based on that interview; and in fact, some people actually returned it.
But, the time is NOW to assemble your OWN emergency survival kit…and yes, it has to have more than beer in it. If disaster struck (hurricane, blizzard, in-laws in town) and you couldn’t leave your house, do you have the supplies you need? Here are some to get you started: www.ready.gov/america/getakit/index.html.
Labels: book tour, hurricane supplies, Hurricane Wilma
